Missing You
by Raven's Favorite Emotion
Summary: There's a point in time when you just have to let go of a person. Beast Boy centric.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Beast Boy, he's just my favorite character. **

_Missing You_

_A One-Shot_

I miss her.

I know I shouldn't. I know that she was a traitor, a liar, and a heart breaker. She was possibly a psychopath too, even though there's really no way to prove that. I don't know why that I do. It isn't something that's easy to explain, like why I lie to Robin when I break something in the tower, or do something that I'm probably not supposed to do. I do that to save myself a butt kicking. But why do I miss her? She shouldn't be worth it. At all.

But she is.

She was an enigma, I know that now. Even though I was the person that knew her the best, or so she told me. I wonder now if everything she told me was a lie.

She has me roaming around the tower now. I did this before for a while, the first time that I lost her. That was even worse than this time. Before I wouldn't just roam the tower. I also used to roam the city in a Robin-esqe way trying to stop crime. Trying to stop people from being corrupted the way that she was. I used to go visit her statue too, all the time, before Raven told me that it wasn't healthy, and that I needed to stop. Although at the time I was angry at her I now understand why she told me that. Everyone was worried about me.

They're worried now.

Of course they know about what happened last week. We have no secrets in this tower, or at least that's what we tell ourselves. It makes us feel good to think that everything is now out in the open. We now know that Raven is half demon, Starfire is a condemned alien princess, Cyborg almost lost his life in a car accident and his technology saved him, Robin was once the protegee of Batman and left him to prove himself. We all know what happened to me, everything with the Doom Patrol. They all know how messed up I am inside.

We all look away, though from the other things that we dare not tell.

But everyone has a secret. Everyone has some part of them that is covered in darkness. Not everything is in the light. It is impossible. Human beings weren't meant to live in too much light, that's why the gods gave us a darkness. It has to be possible for us to hide.

Like her. You would have thought that someone with her kind of personality would have been open and cheerful and bursting to the brim with honesty. She wasn't. Not even close.

Did the others know that she killed three people? She did, in an accidental earthquake. She had tried to stop the earthquake, but it she ended up helping the destruction instead. I didn't even learn about that until later. The only thing that she had told me was that she was in Bludhaven for a little while, did some good, and then left. When I checked the records I learned the truth. Three people. No one she ran as far from there as she could, to the edge of the country, all the way here to Jump City.

_Three people._

When she first met us she called herself a super hero too. But she wasn't. She was a runner. She ran to save herself, and that's it. She never ran to save others. She stopped trying, and probably for good reason too. Her soul was stained with the deaths of three human beings, and they aren't the kind of stains that you can get out with soap, water, and elbow grease.

She lied. She cried. And then she died.

Such a ironic rhyme, but a true one. She used to enjoy rhyming words. She always thought they were funny. Did the others know that either?

I don't think they did.

But I shouldn't blame them. After all I didn't know her any better than they did, now that I think back on it.

I used to pride myself on being her 'best friend'. Lies, all lies. The only person who knew just the smallest bit about her was her, and she didn't even know that much about herself. I believe that's why she made things up, because those things were the only concrete things that she knew about herself. She deluded herself into thinking they were real, which is the reason that she even bothered to help us.

She created a false reality, one where she was the good guy and not the villain.

Now that I think about it, that was her downfall. She didn't know herself, and she never will properly. Once again she has made herself believe that she was someone other than who she truly was. She truly believes that she is now 'just a girl with a geometry test that she didn't study for' or whatever it is that she said. I don't blame her for doing that, though. Who wants to remember being Judas? Even he killed himself, once he betrayed Jesus.

Because that's what she did, she killed herself. She killed the person she used to be and created a new one in it's place. Kind of like that 'heir and a spare' sort of thing that they did in England back in the old days. If one person died, or was crippled, or just wasn't good enough, there was someone to take their place. Can you even do that sort of thing with just one person? I'm not quite sure any more.

I put my hand on one of the many panes of glass in the tower. How did she look in the mirror, knowing what she did about herself? As far as I'm aware, she didn't. She was kind of like a vampire about mirrors, she always avoided them. It wasn't something that you would notice if you didn't pay close attention, but the fact is that I did pay attention. I liked collecting the small information about her. I treated them as if they were a sea glass collection, something to be treasured something rare and to be brought out only in times few and far between.

Last Wednesday I had her in my grasp again, and then I lost her. I had already lost her once before, so it didn't hurt as much this time. But it did hurt. It was also, however, an eye opening experience for me. I needed it like drug addicts need interventions. Because I need to let her go. I've held on to her for too long. I should have realized that sometimes if you clutch something too tightly it will eventually fall through your fingers. But I've always held people like that. Letting go of people is hard for me.

But I will do it for you, Terra, because you need to go away. You need to release your grip from my life, as I have already decided to release my grip on yours.

I think I already have, actually. As soon as you turned away from me you were already being pulled from my being like Velcro. I won't miss you anymore, but I won't forget you. You are impossible to forget, for any of us, for the people who cared about you. I hope you enjoy haunting us for all enternity.

So good bye. Have a nice life. I know I will.

**A/N: I know, not my normal sort of thing, but I just realized that even though Beast Boy is my favorite character I haven't written anything in his POV and I really wanted to. Plus I really needed to write a letting go fic, and for some reason Terra has been niggling at my brain, so wa la! Not exactly BB/R but not BB/T exactly either. I don't know what it is really. If you think it's confusing, it might be. I wrote it in the exact way that Beast Boy was thinking it, in his exact order, so it may seem disjointed and weird. Hope you enjoyed. **

**Love,**

**RFE**


End file.
